If you remember from the beginning, I named this blog, "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly".....I now introduce you to some more ugly!
You have good days and you have bad days. Some days I don't come out of my room, other days I'm on the couch sewing all day with Brodie. The key is to enjoy your good days and realize there will always be bad days.
Someone asked what the infamous cancer/chemo mouth sores look like...here's the best picture I could get that definitely falls under the ugly category, sorry not sorry. #ItsMyLife
I'm lucky to which I don't get too many and they usually don't last too long. I do however, have the fun bad taste in my mouth most weeks. Usually my week before chemo it wears off a little....and you eat everything in sight because you can actually taste it! Then chemo weeks come and your doomed...but of course you still eat because....well hello, a girl's gotta eat!
Finally, I wanted to talk about attempting make up when you're bald. Who knew this would be such a feat! First, when you have hair you know you obviously blend in your makeup to your hairline. Cough cough, well when you don't have a freakin' hair line thats a bit hard. You don't want to put make up on your head but you also don't want to have a visible color line change on your forehead. As you've read, I'm not a fan of wigs, but at least it helps in the makeup catastrophe. However, if I'm able due to the "occasion" I choose to be bald. Theres no feeling normal with cancer, being bald or with a wig on either. But I am more comfortable without it than with it.
Med update below...
My levels have been the lowest they've gotten lately, which
A) means I never want to leave my bed
B) means I can't be around people and
C) means I have a chance of having to get a blood transfusion.
He brought it up again yesterday after my red count was the lowest it had ever gotten. So fingers crossed thats not a going away present I get after my last chemo!
The clock is ticking! Only a few days left till my last chemo day and I couldn't be more anxious! I've been applying for jobs and so far have one interview so fingers crossed I'll be back in a school come the first of the year!
As you've seen, I haven't updated in a while...for many reasons, but the biggest being my fingertips are still numb and tingly from chemo and everyday things such as holding a pencil, typing or even using my phone is much more tedious and difficult than you'd think. So theres my excuse, take it or leave it!
I got my first "bad" news on my levels. All my counts were low which is probably why I was tired ALL the time. I was told I was basically on house arrest and not to be around anyone and was given a prescription to take if I got sick or a fever. Also, when you have a 100.5 fever or more you have to be directly admitted to the ER with my cancer (not sure if thats with all)....so it was another fun week in my room sleeping! Because my red count was still low last week it was brought up I may have to have a blood transfusion. I'm assuming this would happen Monday when I start my chemo round. TBD!
On the plus side, Monday is my 2nd to last chemo week!!! December 1st can't come soon enough!
On a work note:
As you know I have been teaching for VIPKID to make some money till I can get a teaching job again. The actual teaching part isn't bad at all, but the being on China time has been killing me! I pull all nighters teaching from 8pm till 8am (yes, 12 hours) then sleep as much as I can during the day. Not my preferable life situation at the moment, but beggars can't be choosers! I have already started to apply for AP and teaching jobs starting ASAP, so fingers crossed!
I tried to think of words to explain this day for weeks now and I am still speechless so I'm just going to put my Facebook post about it : )
When you go to school to surprise your Beachers and get hugs from your BCE family and THEY surprise you with the school all wearing lime green and crazy socks, flowers, a million sweet notes, hugs galore, and even a get together with every past Beacher in the library plus Beachers parents! I mean, words just can't express how amazing not only they all are, but how great it was to be there, see everyone, and each and every one of those awesome hugs! I can't count how many parents came up to me to tell me my past sweet Beachers pray about me every night and always ask about me! Just Speechless...but definitely made my month and beyond grateful! Cancer definitely can't win when you have a whole school behind you 😉#BeachersForLife #LoveMyBCEFam
A little bit of this and that with some updates.
Why yes, I have been MIA/slacking on my blog. I have no good excuse. I would like to say that Cancer/Chemo has a lot of symptoms:
~I can deal with the nausea
~I can deal with the headaches
~I can deal with the nonstop fatigue/tiredness
~I can deal with my tastebuds being on protest and everything tasting horrible
~I can deal with my whole body hurting and being swollen
~I can deal with the ends of every finger being numb 24/7
I can deal with all these symptoms and more...but what has gotten me the worst is the depression. Man, is it brutal. On the rare occasion I do feel like I can do anything and break my house arrest, you just don't want to. You're always upset, angry, or sad because....well everything. Obviously, cancer turns your whole life upside down and it sucks. Yes, many people say to enjoy my break while I can yada yada... but this is the worst break ever. Cancer/chemo not only effects you physically, but mentally, emotionally, and most of all financially. Not having an income has to be the worst thing ever. So theres my pity party for 1.....
A few updates:
~Good news, my last chemo is actually December 1st so earlier than I had thought/planned, so hopefully by Christmas I'll feel decent
~I'm in week 1 of my labs/drs...after next week I will officially be halfway
~I started working for VIPKID to attempt to make at least a little money and my first class is Friday
~My levels have been good so my chemo was upped (my symptoms are unfortunately always the worst the first few days after chemo)
~I've taken up sewing....yes, sewing, you read right and don't judge...the whole fingertips being numb doesn't help but oh well, it burns time
What makes me feel sane or like a normal person?! Watching Ellen everyday and at least getting to laugh for an hour out of my day : )
Let's talk about wigs, baby...let's talk about all the colors and the styles that may be....let's talk about wigs ; )
"You either get bitter or you get better. It's that simple. You either take what's been dealt to you and allow it to make you a better person, or you allow it to tear you down. The choice does not belong to fate, it belongs to you."