Whether it being overly ambitious, hard headed, or just not wanted someone to have to drive me everyday, I decided that I was going to drive myself tuesday to treatment. I needed to go to school first to drop some things off, pick some things up, and of course see my BCE fam. I learned quickly this was not my brightest moment. I instantly went downhill just walking down the halls. I ended up pretty much passing out on Keri's table in her classroom and thankfully had two sweet BCE people there with me to grab me some water and make sure I didn't croak. Needless to say, it took me a while to get color back and not feel/look like death. I stayed a little longer to talk to my awesome team and let my body recook before driving to chemo.
Once at chemo, I passed out 2 more times...however, I guess if you're going to pass out somewhere the dr is the place to do it! It was the worst I had undergone thus far and the nurses were super sweet helping me with cold packs, fans, meds etc. I mean my lips turned blue and everything. This has been happening more frequently lately. My RN went to go discuss with my oncologist and this is what was said. There obviously be a mulitude of reasons this is happening:
~because I was taken off steroids and I degrease so rapidly without them
~the tumor/large mass is growing making it even harder to breath
~starting chemo may of just pissed everything off
~my heart may be filling with fluid again
Because of all of this, he wanted me to do another echo yesterday to check my heart and I should be getting these results today. Either way, he put me back on steroids which help tremeondsly.
Tonight (thursday) will be my last night with my wolf pak attached for the next 2 weeks and I can't even begin how to describe how excited I am about that. Forget attempting to sleep with this thing, get dressed, and just move around in general, the true test is taking a bath! It's pretty much impossible.
You always hear there is no tired like teacher tired, which I can 100% vouch for, but I now know there is no tired like chemo/cancer tired! It just wipes you out completely. Even though I wish I were with everyone on the first day of school, it was great getting to see and hear how it went from my BCE fam ad past Beachers. I know they will all have an outstanding year!
Now off to chemo for the day!
"You either get bitter or you get better. It's that simple. You either take what's been dealt to you and allow it to make you a better person, or you allow it to tear you down. The choice does not belong to fate, it belongs to you."